Accepting What Is
Our society is one that values perfection on the surface. We love uniformity and the appearance that we know what’s going on and have our heads firmly planted on our shoulders. The social media that we look at, the ads that bombard us, and the traits traditionally instilled in us all point to the idea that we must be great, at all times. Now is this realistic? Absolutely not, and we all know it, but we don’t act that way. When we scroll through our Instagram feed 99% of posts are us seeing other people how they want us to see them. And 99% of people want us to see them at their best. This all points to a society that values “being in control of your life” and killing the game called life. The truth is much different, however. Many times, in our lives, or honestly, throughout our lives, there are a plethora of things that happen that are out of our control. And unless your vulnerability and authenticity level is high, it’s unlikely that you’re willing to talk about where you feel lost, what things are out of your control that hurt you, and develop a plan to address those things that are anxiety inducing and make your head spin. And when these things aren’t addressed and expressed, we get hella stressed. The weight becomes suffocating and energy draining.
I can’t speak for you, but when I feel my emotions, or my life situations are out of control I have a sense of panic. There are days I wake up in the morning, and I feel the weight of anxiety on my chest. I wake up dizzy, disoriented, nervous wondering how I’m going to get through the day. Shit, there’s days where it’s hard for me to talk to people and maintain eye contact. Then these feelings ripple into my reality. It affects my work performance, relationships, and my overall well-being that ties into my emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual health. I get caught in a continuous state of suffering when this happens. And I know that I’m not the only one. I know there’s a few of you who are reading this knowing I’m writing this for you specifically. The good news is there are things we can do about it.
We all want to be the best versions of ourselves and an integral part about being better versions of ourselves has to do with our awareness of how we feel and acknowledgement of what’s out of our control. Over the past fourteen years I have worked to hone my emotional intelligence and use mental exercises to produce the thoughts and actions that I want for my life. You can do the same!
Awareness. You will see me write about this to the world’s end. Awareness is the beginning of any changes we want to make in our lives. So if you’re struggling against what’s out of your control, the first questions to ask yourself might be “Do I know why I feel out of control? Why am I resisting what reality is currently?” I write these questions, but they are much harder to genuinely ask ourselves. It requires us to acknowledge feelings that we may not want to encounter. Those feelings might bring up deep heartache, healing needing done, something we have brushed under the rug for years. If we don’t identify where we feel out of control though we won’t be able to change how we feel. It requires bravery and love for oneself to look within. Once we have those questions answered we can begin to do something about taking control back in our lives. Awareness of our triggers leads to our ability to act differently when those regular triggers rear their head.
Thoughts. Once we become aware of where we feel out of control we start recognizing those instances in our thoughts. Our increased mental awareness of how we think and feel= us knowing when we need to rewire the thought. For example, some days I wake up and notice my thoughts are racing. I feel like I have so much to do today and my anxiety shoots up inhibiting me from doing much at all. When I notice that thought though, I have the ability to rewire it. Instead of thinking “I have so much to do today this is awful” I typically choose a different more positive thought(s). Like “I can get so much done today if I focus. It’s a blessing I have a full day. I’m going to do the best I can today and that is enough.” Those thoughts are steadying. They are choosing to see the workload, situation, or whatever else in a positive light instead of a negative. And the more we choose to reframe our thoughts positively the more often our minds will go there instead of anxiety and panic. Ya feel?
Actions. Finally, we get to our actions. The increased awareness we’ve practiced lets us know where we feel out of control. The awareness recognizes the thoughts that bring on the negative emotions and through choosing a more positive thought, then that will result in a change in our actions. It’s really a trinity of sorts where all affect the others. The change in actions is tangible evidence that our awareness and thoughts are synergistic enough to change our mindset.
We are never going to feel totally in control in our lives, but honestly, we shouldn’t. The truth is there is more out of our control than in it and finding acceptance with what is rather than what we wish it to be will ultimately bring us more peace, happiness, and clarity as we go through our lives. The acceptance of what is, is a beautiful space to find, and I encourage you to show yourself enough love to get there. Everything happens for a reason. There are trillions of chances whatever it is could have happened differently, but it didn’t. And in each situation, there is a lesson we can learn if we choose to be aware enough to see it. Be powerful in your existence. Be brave in facing your fears. Focus on letting more go and just doing your best. And I guarantee if you do those things, you will have a beautiful life.